Walking Through My Darkest Valley to Find Jesus | Tanesha Richardson

Atlanta City In August 2013 my dreams came true when I finally moved to Atlanta, Georgia. I’ve been living in Albany, Georgia for about four years and I disliked every bit of it. Even though I made a few friends, I was ready to move. My biggest obstacle came when I decided to move out of my parent’s house, eight hours away in another state. I went from sunny South Florida to country fried Georgia. My life has always been pretty easy; I was an only child raised with both parents in my life. We went to church every other day and we attended our local church conventions every summer and winter break. Normal RIGHT?? NO!!! What people didn’t know was I suffered from a mild case of anxiety. I over thought and I worried too much especially when it came to my purpose in life. I lived for years with a cloud over my head but it didn’t become to dark until I moved out of my parents house and into my own. I was in a city with no family and a church family that wasn’t as close as I thought they were. I was seeking for something but I wasn’t finding it. It was very hard being the new kid in the neighborhood. I was raised in a religious household which meant I attended a religious church which meant I wore long skirts, my hair was always pulled back in a pony tail, I was quiet, and I stayed to myself. I was ALONE in a strange city. Now, was I scared? No, I was DEPRESSED! Never thought, in my life, I would suffer from depression but I went through my season of it. I stayed in my apartment all day unless I was going to service or class. It got to the point where I wouldn’t even open my blinds because I became super lazy - lazy within my thoughts because that’s where I was the most happiest. I found my peace within my mind. I wanted to be some of everything. I wanted to be everyone. I was in love with Rhianna, I was in love with Beyonce, I wanted their life, their money, their happiness, and their freedom. I wanted anything to get away from my life. On the outside, I was always my happy bubbly self, but on the inside, I was self-destructing. Eventually I stop going to church, because believing started to get hard and pretending became tiresome. I wasn’t happy. I got tired of praising God with these fake people; I got tired of listening to the same mediocre messages. They started to become meaningless in my life. I just wanted to do my own thing and have things done my way. I didn’t care about my parents, I didn’t care about Jesus, and I didn’t care about what anyone had to say because no one understood me. Out of all the talks I could possibly have with the church mother, I felt as though she really wasn’t trying to understand me, or at least, didn’t know how to understand me, because I wasn’t your normal 23-year-old. I was from the big city, not this small country town. I was bored with this city, I was bored with life.

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Through all of this I met this young man who I thought I was in love with, but I was just in love with the fact that someone was paying me some attention. I gave this dude my everything. I was sleeping with him, I was cooking for him, I was picking him up, I was doing all these wifely duties for a man who wasn’t my husband. Long story short, he left me for another woman whom he married. My world was crushed. Never have I felt the hurt of being cheated on. It’s a feeling that’s not the greatest. I lost my appetite, I found myself right back in my shell of thinking. I was lost once again among my thoughts. I was ready to walk out on my faith for this dude, ready to pack up my life and move to another city for this dude - a city that I didn’t even want to move too…. BUT GOD!!!

my-sins-nailed-to-the-crossEven though I was completely over the fact of giving my life to Christ, I couldn’t help but cry and think on all of the mess I put myself through, after pushing him to the back of my mind; he still loved me. I realized that even through my biggest test and tribulation in Albany, God was preparing me for my purpose in life. I was addicted to everything of this world, didn’t want to be bothered with Jesus, but in the end he saved me. That’s when it clicked. That's when I realized once again I am a child of God and all he wants is the best for me. I could have messed up big time, but he saved me. All I had to do was give God my undivided attention.

August 2012 is when I told God that my life belonged to him and that I was taking up a vow to stay pure and holy unto him. Will I say that my life with Christ has been peaches and creams…oh no way! Daily it’s a constant struggle because daily I’m constantly killing my flesh. Amazing how the things that once interests me of the world now disgusts me. My life is completely Christ. I don’t listen to worldly music anymore, all Christian/Gospel music for me. I’m reading my bible more and praying daily. I have a new look on life, I have a new set of friends, I attend an amazing church, I have a great boyfriend whose walking down the same purity road, and I’m apart of an extraordinary Christian ministry.

Unashamed Impact atlanta

What I love about my whole situation is that Christ sent me walking through my darkest valley to bring me to the light. It may have taken me four years but the end result blessed me. My life was filled with purpose once I found my purpose in Jesus. Now I can’t get enough of him. Everything I do, I want it to represent our savior. At twenty-seven years of age I can finally say that my purpose in life is to do the will of the Lord. I can finally say I have a real relationship with Christ, I have found my father in him. If I could say one thing, I would say find who you are in Christ and then from there, Christ will outline the path of your life.

 

Be Blessed!