Everyone has a story.
Mine, while not exaggerated, borders ultimate underrated feelings.
For a long time, I wanted my voice to be heard without fearing adjudication. I longed to help others and admittedly, I was lost in doing so because I needed to help myself more. I understood that God’s purpose was far more important than my desires. Ironically, the few steps I took toward it only put me more steps back because I was in my own way.
Our brain, in all of its intricate and powerful glory, has the ability to be trained to do and think whatever it wants. Part of this journey was learning to remove toxic people and things from my life. Prior to doing so, the silent killers and opinions of others discouraged me from fulfilling with God wanted. The result was a never-ending cycle of lying to others and myself. I could not remain hidden from the blessings I was to receive, so it was up to me to begin walking in truth.
Like all of us, I have made some mistakes, which forever are imprinted into my skin; etched onto my heart like a birthmark. These scars have forever defined me but not in a way to continue the victimization cycle. See, that is how the enemy got me. I allowed him to use my scars to prepare me for the victim role in my life. Deliverance did not come until I let Christ take over and allow Him to rebuild myself through his image. In order to do this, death had to come. It was through death that I was born again. Once I took that first breath of new beginnings, I knew my scars were going to be utilized for an awesome, seed-planting testimony. Those scars soon formed Christ’s birthmark tattooed upon my heart.
With this new life came tests, including ceasing my mouth from revealing what God had given to me. As much as I wanted to share my good news, I was still in the process of healing from brokenness. Those that I loved the most, prior to my breakthrough, were the ones who played a part in my betrayal. The white-hot rod permeating my heart from past hurts radiated heavily during this trail, yet I have had more sympathy from enemies than flesh and blood. I was always taught to keep my enemies close, and that may be true. However, in my healing I had to keep both enemies and family at bay. Enemies use what they think they know against you, while family uses a lifetime of knowledge to dethrone you. It is a different level of trickery the enemy used to distract me from healing.
With that being said, whom was I supposed to turn to? In this world of uncertainty, vanity? I liken this experience to Romans 7:22-23.
“For I joyfully agree with the law of God in my inner person, but I observe another law in my members, at war with the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that exists in my members.”
I wanted to look to those I cared for most for Christ’s example, but I felt their demonstrated fruits of Christ like behavior was not up to par. Up until this point, I realize it is time for the revelation. The former me previously was in search of answers, however it lied right in the very place I failed to look: Christ.
Reflecting back to Romans in verse 7:24-25:
“Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself with my mind am enslaved to the law of God, but with my flesh I am enslaved by the law of sin.”
Because of my heavily weighted past, the enemy was quick to use what I endured to get the best of me. He would use everything or anyone to do so. I had been beaten up so badly by his lies I felt I was not good enough at all. The enemy is a PUNK!
Jesus saw me differently through all of that mess. Once I realized his awesome love for me, I used his strength as a reverence to stand. I had been down so long; I had to lean on him, relying on faith even if I was surrounded by darkness. Taking Christ’s hand was the only remedy I knew and there was a choice to be made: It was either remain downtrodden or look up and rely on the mustard seed planted deep within so I could continue with God’s will.
I wish I could say that it was easy walking into my future again after being down for so long. I liken it to being born and as time passes, you go through stages of development and growth. I had to relearn living life truthfully and not through the eyes of the enemy’s lies. It takes a strong will to persevere and understand that my purpose was to not only fall down at times, but to get back up and not dwell on the fact that I did stumble. That is why God has mercy and grace. He already knows we will mess up. As long as we are on this earth, we will never be perfect. So, I am going to keep doing what I know best and relieve what Christ has for me through the birthmark upon my heart.
Connect with Mishawn on Twitter @FreedomFlowah
Bio: I've been writing since I was seven. Yep, seven. I love it. It's a passion of mine and it comes to me like second nature. I write poetry and fiction. I would love to explore Christian fiction, touching hearts all over the world. God gave me this gift and I plan to use it. I am in college for nursing, however I plan to fulfill my lifetime duty of not only pleasing God through caring for others but also by blessings those who can relate to my testimony. I'm not in it for followers or fame. I just want to do what I love while pleasing God at the same time!!!
I've been writing since I was seven. Yep, seven. I love it. It's a passion of mine and it comes to me like second nature. I write poetry and fiction. I would love to explore Christian fiction, touching hearts all over the world. God gave me this gift and I plan to use it.
I am in college for nursing, however I plan to fulfill my lifetime duty of not only pleasing God through caring for others but also by blessings those who can relate to my testimony. I'm not in it for followers or fame. I just want to do what I love while pleasing God at the same time!!!