So, this blog I'm going to just talk (and story tell) instead of preaching but be forewarned if there is preaching you can blame God! I think here and there just being real and talking can be justified don't you think?
So, about a year ago I read a devotional that hits home now more than ever. It was a story of a young, God hungry christian woman who spread herself out to teach a greater audience. She was involved in feeding the hungry; had her hands in church; was helping kickstart varying Christ movements; listen, the girl was just on fire. She never had a moment to sit and spare a few winks of an eye with God on a personal note, however. It finally caught up with her as a back injury from her constant pursuit of Christ had her bed ridden for a month. Reading the devotional, I could feel the heaviness she felt. She couldn't move, forced to lie and stare at her walls all day. She expressed so much anger and heartbreak not being able to dive into her passions and questioned God, why?
Well she got her answer, slow down. See, she finally listened to God long enough in silence that the faint "slow down" became a yell. So she started listening more and started to realize she'd been so clueless. Her effort for God through other avenues was great but she was neglecting personal time. She was neglecting the things God was telling her, more importantly slow down and let him take care of her.
Fast forward to today and my life. I'm lying in bed, chest contusion along with a bruised face and banged knees have me bed ridden. My four walls have seen the anguish and tears flow. See, a few days ago my thoughts were focused on March 14, 2015. The last day my apartment complex could afford me to stay extra as I looked for a job. I'd gotten off work and did my daily ritual of job hunting and worrying about the ever so closing date. I grabbed my luggage and headed to the car to journey to Texas, hoping and praying this chance of all chances would allow me a better future. I had an opportunity to go to a great graduate program and it was promising. Fast forward to spare you the harsh details but I opened my eyes to find myself in a median and my body perfectly nestled into a cocoon as warped steel and car parts engulfed my seat. I fell asleep, a split second and it was over. The car tells the story that I shouldn't even be alive and through it all, all I could murmur between crying was "is everyone okay? Please tell me people are okay?" He was perfectly fine, not one scratch and his truck wasn't severely damaged.
Outside of bruising and emotional damage, plus the cops not giving a care in the world, I was ok. I am ok. But as I lie here in silence, staring at these walls I finally hear that scream. God had been telling me to slow down all along. He'd given me signs all along, yet I was trying so hard to make things happen on my own. I was so delusional that as I sat in that crushed car, I cried because all I could think about was how I've messed up all my opportunities by being so dumb but I couldn't open my mouth and say thank you God, though this car is crushed my spirit and body aren't.
I can see now that I've been so bad at slowing down and trusting in God. I haven't been living, I've simply been coasting and surviving. I've been going through the motions of it all yet expect God to fully trust me with my purpose. These four walls have finally spoken for God however. I want to live. I want to travel. I want to do more for unashamed impact and spread Gods word more. I want to finally get a steady place to live where I can hang pictures or decorate (I could be on hgtv, seriously). More importantly however, I want to not be fearful of tomorrow and let God have it. I try so hard to do things on my own or find people to be there for me that I forget God never leaves. As I cried and sat there feeling alone, he was in that wreck of a car. I hear him or should I say, I see the "caution, slow down" sign he's holding.
Call to action
Though I haven't seen the full picture, I know God is working. He's given me the silence to feel his presence and know I'll be fine. He's finally shown me, he's here; slow down. Are you trudging on the lines of being to busy to heard God warning you? Are you not slowing down or just going through motions? Think about your life and ask, would God approve or think I'm too busy? What am I neglecting? How is my life measuring up to gods expectations? My call to action is simple, slow down and listen.
Prayer: God, help me to slow down and not just listen but spend time with you. Help me to do more listening and less speaking; more of you, less of me. Father, I need you and I must surrender, fully. Im listening. I pray, in jesus name amen.