Are you experiencing an attraction toward someone in an unwed relationship? I’ve been there. While there, our faithful God has invited me to consider the following:
- That feeling may not be a signal that he/she is meant to be with you. Rather than interpret that feeling through your flesh ask God for the grace to interpret that feeling through your new self - the Holy Spirit who dwells within you. Our flesh is such a common default that it dulls our spiritual sensitivity. Therefore, every assumed interest in another person may not be a natural attraction as we are accustomed to understanding it - it may be our Spirit’s call to focus on praying for that brother or sister. In other words, your heightened sense of awareness of that person may be God’s attempt to invite you to pray for that person during a particular season of his/her life.
- Honor the heart of that person’s boyfriend or girlfriend. You may experience great attraction to another woman’s boyfriend or to another man’s girlfriend. But I urge you to consider that other woman or other man’s heart as if it were your own - like you, he/she longs to be loved by a faithful significant other. Do you find yourself stealthily pursuing his/her boyfriend or girlfriend, roaming around their Facebook and Instagram pages and/or waiting for opportunities to “run” into him/her? If so, are you being kind to that person’s girlfriend or boyfriend? Pray for God to give you the grace to want to protect the heart of that other woman or man as you would want your own heart to be protected.
- Practice and honor faithfulness even in your singleness and even toward unwed brothers and sisters who are in committed relationships - as you honor the relationship of others, we honor the sanctity of marriage. It is often reported that Christians divorce at the same if not higher rates as non-Christians. Is it possible that divorce runs so rampant in Christian community because, in our singleness, we so comfortably flirt with the spirit of adultery and entice others to do so as well?
- Like the world, we tempt our brothers and sisters who are in relationships to consider us over their boyfriends and girlfriends. Are we guarding our hearts against such pride? Make no mistake, the same spirit that arrogantly sings, “Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me!” also lurks around the covenant of marriage inviting men and women to look beyond this sacred union to feed their lust.
Whether you or a man or woman I pray you would never be like the woman to follow:
“...She hides and waits like a robber eager to make more men unfaithful” - Proverbs 23:28.
Therefore, singles, if someone is in a relationship and you desire his/her affection, run and pray. I pray that you would have and exercise the strength and wisdom to honor God with these feelings, be holy in all you do, treat others as you want to be treated, and be without even a hint of sexual immorality.
Please pray these for me too.
Amelia E. Thompson loves to see God create possibility out of what appears to be impossible. She became a Christian during her sophomore year in college. She and friends developed We Write Life into a platform for building community around issues of justice, reconciliation and forgiveness. Thanks to God’s guidance and kindness, she completed studies at Vassar College and St. John’s University and is completing a certificate in Youth and Theology at Princeton Theological Seminary.