In 2009, I found myself sitting on the bathroom floor in tears. Again. For the fourth time that week. My now ex-boyfriend had gotten himself in yet another incriminating situation with yet another random. We argued and I cried. Again.
It was an ongoing cycle of despair and I was at my wit’s end. All I could do is cry out to a God I didn’t truly understand. I KNEW that this guy wasn’t the one. I KNEW he was not who God had prepared for me. I KNEW that it wouldn’t change or get better. Somehow, despite what I knew, I still found myself in the bathroom, examining tile, and asking myself was it time to walk away?
In retrospect, it was clear I was blinded by false love and familiarity. I was scared of the unknown and hoped that God would change the heart of a guy that I wanted to conform to be what I expected him to be. I was frustrated, confused, hurt, bitter, and in denial. Why did I deal with it so long? I was so scared of loneliness. I wanted the white dress, the white picketed fence and the dog. When I cried out to God, why did I feel like He didn’t hear me?
After reading the Word, I realized that He did hear me. That uneasiness I felt was God telling me, “I have greater for you daughter.” God tells us when to leave very explicitly at times, but we are so detached from Him we don’t hear it as clearly as we should.
1. Are You Confused? | 1 Corinthians 4:33
“For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints.”
God is not a God of confusion. He is a God of peace. Every relationship will have ups and downs but if you are constantly confused, you may need to reevaluate. There should be more periods of peace and harmony than arguments and confusion. If there aren’t, (HOUSTON) we have a problem.
2. Have you prayed? | Philippians 4:6
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God”
God will give you the answers you seek. Are you listening? Are you spending daily time with Him? This is where I used to have the most trouble. I felt confused and I felt the tugging on my heart but I didn’t know that it was God. God was telling me “Girl, get out of there! Run!” He didn’t want me to be in pain or hurt. He doesn’t want you to be either. He loves us so much that he will show us His answers many times. Are we truly hearing God? Can we detach from twitter, Facebook, and Instagram (IG) long enough to pray fervently about our relationships?
3. Discernment | Hebrews 5:24
“For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joint and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intention of the heart.”
We have the most powerful tool of discernment, living on the inside of us. The Holy Spirit. Ask God for your life to be guided by Him. Ask the Holy Spirit to take over your life and help you along your journey. Give your relationship to God and He cannot fail you. Also, reading the Word for yourself is important to understand the standards that God has set for His people. We all may go to church weekly but the Word of God must be heavily instilled in our hearts. In the Word we find the standard to which we should live our lives.
I finally did leave and something greater was waiting for me on the other side of that situation. I have grown to understand what love is through the love that God shows me daily. By developing my relationship with Him, I now can make better decisions for my life. Hopefully my experiences help you understand that God wants the best for his children. It is up to us to be wise enough to walk in the purpose He has set for our lives.
Author: Alicia Joseph, UI Blogger