I found myself at times dipping in and out of pop culture and being a ‘good’ Christian. By this I mean I know I am not to conform to the pattern of this world as stated in Romans 12:2 but at times I found it difficult to not wear clothes or do my makeup in a way that will attract many likes.
Instagram and I have had a mental battle. This being because I used to feel I wasn’t pretty enough to be on it: I didn’t know how to highlight, contour or have the long Peruvian hair. At university (4 years ago), human hair was pricey and my student loan would only stretch to Remi Goddess on some occasions. Not only that, but I wasn’t curvy either so male attention was a bit sparse.
In my opinion, I did not fit into the usual bracket of good looking/fine – whatever the word was in those days; so why get the app to post pictures if I wouldn’t receive any hearts. At that time, for me, University was a place where you made friends and got a boyfriend. I wasn’t part of the overtly popular group but I was still known; what came in handy was me bagging a popular boyfriend. Ker-ching! It is amazing how someone can boost your self-esteem when their likes and dislikes can change like the ebb and flow of the tide. So when the break-up occurred it was a major blow. It was the norm at the time to look at the girlfriend after you and say “He downgraded/she isn’t as nice as you/you looked much better”. Everything boiled down to looks – how attractive you are determining your worth.
Four years later and I am not that person who believes it is her looks that make her who she is. Women of Christ, I had to find my worth in the man who made me - The Lord. There came a point in my life where I had had enough trying to dictate where my life was going to go and not succeeding in it, whether it was planning my future or giving a guy silent treatment because we all know not talking to someone makes them want to talk to you more. Yeah right.
I had to learn (the hard way) to not trust myself, which was hard. I knew the verse: “Trust in The Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5) off by heart but would still try and make sense out of a situation God knew everything about but I knew nothing of. All I knew was how the day would end whereas God knew how I would come out of that confusion by the end of the month and be OK. I was blinded by my own emotions.
Time and grace being abounded onto me have allowed me to know who I am; this piece of wisdom can never be taken away from me. I have been carefully constructed and designed and neither social media nor I can make me reinvent myself to fit into a mold I think I should be in. Note that these were my thoughts. I discovered my worth and it is far more precious than rubies (Proverbs 3:15). I learned I have so much to offer just the way I am and that feeling will never depart from my consciousness.
I pray this piece encourages an individual dealing with the feelings that I had to, to be steadfast because God is leading you into such a bright future of acceptance and self-love.
P.S. I still don’t have Instagram and I still receive those hearts from those I love around me.
Written By Lorraine Sedjroson
Bio- Lorraine is an ordinary South East Londoner who became a Primary School teacher. She loves everything art based. Being vocal has never been her strong point despite confidently conversing with parents on a day-to-day basis but it is writing that captures her passion.