5 Toxic Mistakes Couples Make

In society today, a lot of relationships are built upon false promises, assumptions, and bad foundations. We build relationships based off what we want and dream, rather than the reality set forth in Christ. The aftermath is atrocious. Hearts are broken and things get out of our control quick.

We then put it on God. Why did God allow this? Where did we go wrong?

Our question should be how did we choose to love? Did we do it the right way or was it based on whom I chose to love. We oftentimes choose to make the fatal flaws that lead to our ruin. Here are 5 Toxic Mistakes Couples Make!

Not Being Christ-Centered

The first mistake a lot of couples make when starting a relationship is not placing Christ first. Oftentimes it starts off as the main intent. You put together a really great plan of bible study nights and church visits but eventually, it starts to wear away. Life comes in between your relationship and Christ.

You start to covet your relationship more than you covet the foundation, Christ. We tend to think that once Christ leads us to the other person, his work is done but it’s the exact opposite. You should lean so heavily on Christ that your partner continuously seeks Christ to know you.

Letting Outside Influences Run Your Relationship

This may be going against the grain a smidgen, as most relationship articles tell you to lean on family, friends, and trusted others. Getting advice is one thing but letting them dictate your overall happiness and relationship, especially one rooted in Christ, may not be the best thing to do. Oftentimes, we tend to lean more on family than Christ when it comes to being led on decisions within a relationship.

Everyone all of a sudden becomes the new Oprah or Dr. Phil and can give you the best, sound advice. Soon, your partner feels like they have to battle you, the relationship issue, and your whole family and entourage. My question is; is that advice rooted in Christ? Do they know the full story or are they just being fed half? Are they going to God before consulting you on how to proceed within your relationship? Is this advice out of love or out of spite?

Physical Attraction Being #1

We’re in a society now where beauty is defined for us. Finding the right fit/match has now become finding the right look. I was scrolling down my timeline, the other day, on Twitter and ran upon a thread where women were basically saying, if a man has no beard or ability to grow one, he can keep it moving. Really now…Men have become the same, looking for the coke bottle figure with the gazing eyed stare and long, beautiful hair.

We set compatibility and Christ aside because we think this person is GORGEOUS. They’ll give me some cute kids and everyone will envy; they’ll ask us “How did you get them!” That focus leads to us lusting after the person whether it’s physically, relationship status wise or what others will think. Remember, looks will always fade. Go after everlasting, not a moment.

Assuming Or Reading Into Every Single Thing

With text messaging and other communication avenues, this is a biggie nowadays. One person says something and the other person totally reads into it the wrong way or assumed you came at them in a harsh manner. Instead of stopping, hearing them out, we become defensive and lash out at the other person when it could’ve been resolved in a manner of seconds with proper communication.

In other situations, we often rush to find compatibility. Oh, you like that show? Me too! We have TONS in common. We oftentimes neglect the real nitty-gritty ordeals. We neglect trying to find common ground with faith or worldviews.

Ignoring The Early Warning Signs

Sometimes we run the speed bump God placed for us. We see signs early on that this person may not be the one for us yet we don’t pull away from the relationship. We keep going, whether it’s because of the physical attraction or just pure wanting the person to be “the one.”

Jesus isn’t that big of a deal to you? Oh, no problem…

Oh you don’t want kids? Oh, no problem…

You have a bad temper, but I guess I can deal with it…

It often leads to even rougher times. We begin questioning, later on, “Are they the one?” “Was our relationship always like this?” We become fearful that we’re giving up on a future situation/marriage and become hesitant on what to do; we don’t want to give up on that future life we’ve envisioned.

The worst mistake we make in this stage is rushing into marriage. We start thinking marriage will fix it but it won’t. It only leads to an even more horrible situation with destructive outcomes.


Our choice to ignore early signs often leads to devastating results. We often lean more on circumstance rather than tried-and-proven (Christ). Is this person the one? I can overlook a lot of these things if so. I know God showing me otherwise but man, they sure are gorgeous. You can’t take that approach then blame God or try to force someone to be the one when everything tells you otherwise.

Use discretion, take a deep breath and really hone in on the things that are taking place around you at the beginning of your relationship. Trust God and let him direct you past those early hurdles and on to something more, much more worthy of your royal position with Christ.